She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
