he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
