How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize