so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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