I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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