the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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