I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
