i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize