i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
