I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
