I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
