the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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