Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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