he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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