That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
