he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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