Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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