Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
