You work out of a Hotel?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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