Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize