I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize