Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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