Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
