and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
