i think my tv is drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
