The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize