he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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