My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
