do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
