You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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