hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
