Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You made out with two different species that night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
false alarm, still single
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
