im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
