So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
