Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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