I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
