You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
