I got chris browned last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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