You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
