i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
