Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
as a side note pls kill me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
