i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
