I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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