Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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