i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
