I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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