Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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