What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
