i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
