All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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