Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
