My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
