Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
only you would photoshop your dick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
