i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize