I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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