is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
