My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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