that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
where are you?
Hypothermia
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
