I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
