Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
