Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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