I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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