Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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