did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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