those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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