I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
