smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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