so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it glows. i had to have it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
