I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
pray to the hookup gods
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
