if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
